The Serenity Prayer

I am down to the final term of school.

This means last minute interventions; music exams; school exams; and my own exams.

There is a lot of pressure on me right now to produce great results.
I don't mind so much anymore.

I feel like I have surrendered to the fact that I am a teacher.
I wont like everyone I work with but I will smile. I will not forget who I am because someone else has chosen to stand in the way because they feel inferior. I am a good teacher and I love teaching.

Every morning when I walk into the school I say the serenity prayer.
I was never one to be religious but I am now.
I have a purpose and I will do my best to make the change I'd like to see.
Yes, people are going to think I'm crazy, but I don't mind.
I am crazy, let me shake my pills. But being crazy is what got me this far and I wont step back from the crazy girl I am and will always be.

I'm going to stay and continue to do the impossible and when they ask me how I do it, I'll simple state "It's all the crazy"

Catch up Term 3

Term three was one hell of a ride.

We had student teachers in to do their practical but the teachers didn't seem to interact with them much and I thought it was a shame as we as teachers should always be open to learning and mentoring. As human beings we should treat all people with the same respect. Before any other title is put on is we are human beings.

Things that worked for me:

I found this term to be far easier in terms of planning and meeting deadlines.
We had a music concert where my learners performed brilliantly to be quite honest and I was super proud of them.


Things that didn't work for me:

I seemed to be receiving many complaints about my coworker. When faced with this kind of problem I do not feel that a first year teacher is able to fully equipped to handle this kind of problem. I spoke to my HOD earlier in the year and nothing seemed to have been done about anything.

I went to the principal with these complaints because what was I to do. I could not possibly do both out jobs unless that I what is required of me then sure but he is employed to do the work and he must be held accountable.

He belittles me every chance he gets. I felt to have been emotionally abused by this man. My accusation was a sign of strength to be able to get that far where I was able to voice this concern. I was met with "that is a strong accusation to make, are you sure?". I am tired of not being taken seriously because I am young and because I am a woman. I refuse to back down.

Term 3 was also filled with lots of drama on the family front and a death in the family. This of course made work that much harder.

I have been considering changing jobs but I think I should wait a year.

There is so much that I would like to do for the school, if only they would let me.

Term 3: Game On. Practicals.

So one semester is finished.

I passed my university subjects not with flying colours but I passed them.
I made it through my first 6 months of teaching and I only almost quit 3 times.
This may seem like a lot but to be honest my work environment has not been the best.
I made it 6 months without a mentor and basically bushwhacking through the year hope to give the learners the best access to the curriculum.

It is tough, tougher than I thought it would ever be but hey look I'm still here.
This is a tough decision I have to make about my future. I want to stay for the love of the children but when do I put myself first.

Last year this time I was on my way to Bridge House College. It was a beautiful experience but I must say I am so grateful to have another perspective.

If there are any students reading my blog trying to figure out what their experience may be. Please don't try to find it here. You will find your experience at the school you do your practical. Do everything and anything that the school asks of you. If it does not sit well with you ask questions, you are there to learn. You can't redo the experience but you can learn from everything you do.
At the end you will know if teaching is for you or not. If it is not for you that is okay, you tried, now it's time to try something new. Don't give up before you start. The 3rd term is long, you will be tired and you will get frustrated but keep going.

Exams

this week has been really tough mentally as I too wrote my university exams.

This week I've decided to stay. This means a lot for me in so many ways as it means I now take my classroom. I can decorate, I can officially be a part of the school which is growing close to my heart.
Yes I still have minor ups and downs but to be honest its nothing worse than what I have already been through.

So the main goal for my week is to get organised. Tomorrow I will sort my life out in terms of school. really making use of the systems I have put into place.
I am going to use that file, and my new drawn system and the great big cupboard.

Maybe it's mania but I hope it just my excitement growing.

Who would Have thought?

At the end of the week I'm feeling a sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I am in such a good space and starting to love what I do.

I think for the most part of the year I was resisting the change that i was going through. It is tough to go from being a full time student to working full time and being a full time student. Honestly it is tough, but when have I ever backed down from a challenge?

I really have high hopes for the school, I'd like to see some changes in the music department and I will honestly be the change next year or even next term. I want to start a marimba band at the school but I know it will be a great challenge as I will need to crowd fund like crazy. I think I will put it as one of my 3rd term projects and maybe ask the matrics for some help, make them a part of it.

My students love my classes. I don't try to control and micromanage everything because that is not how life works. I let the learners learn holistically so that they can contextualize the information. I think this is a better way of learning to be honest and I wish I would have had more of that in school.

Who would have thought that I would stay out of choice? not me... but here I am loving the job I do.
The school has so much potential, if only everyone opened their eyes.

Attachment: My Kids

So as most of my friends and family know, I'd really like to move overseas next year.
Well on Friday I had a change of heart. I really want to be here for my kids.

My kids, at what point did I get so attached?
When did I start seeing them as my own babies?
I never thought I'd be that kind of teacher but here I am...

I want to stay until my grade 10's are in matric but suddenly that's 3 years away and do I really want to be here for that long?

My struggles to fit in and conform with lack of guidance have finally resolved them self. I feel more in control and better to work with. I feel like my co-worker and I are finally working as a team and he has admitted that he does not know everything. I think it was hard for both of us as we both needed more guidance and mentoring. It is tough but I feel like I can get a hold of it all.

 So I think I still have lots of thinking to do with regards to my plans for the upcoming year.
None of my plans are set in stone but I do feel the need to stay just a bit longer than I thought I would.

United we shall stand...

This week I had a meeting with my supervisor and my co-work with whom I've had some disagreements. One thing they don't teach you about  at university is that conflict arises and how to deal with it when it does. 

Two weeks before I considered walking away from my job because I did not need this kind of negativity in my life. But, I did not. I stayed. Not for myself but for the learners. With me leaving they would be disadvantaged, that is not fair for them. So I chose them over myself. I decided one more selfless act could not hurt too much. 

We were back on speaking terms and the department is functioning a lot better. It is still really difficult to work with someone who as new to the system as I am. I am just taking things as they come. 

This week was Freedom Day and today is Workers' Day. Our school is very different from the previously model-C school's I was exposed to. The principal blatantly acknowledged that we are not free in this country. Many of these learners are victims of minimum wage modern day slavery. He acknowledged that our president is not acting constitutionally. These are things one would not hear at just any school. Our school has a history of political affiliation with teachers victims of the apartheid government. 

Being at this school is very educational. I get to learn about the life of the average person. I accept that I have lived a privileged life. I am slowly realizing how I have lived many struggles but with a privileged many will never have. 

Amandla. 

80 days reflections

When I started teaching I didn't realise how important it is to reflect on the week. I have been doing it in my mind but I do see the benefit of having it written down. If you asked me 80 days ago, when I first started teaching I would have definitely have told you my reflections during teaching practice were a waste of time. I can stress enough how important it is to learn from what you are doing.

So I have completed my journey and I have become a music teacher at Livingstone High School in Claremont, Cape Town. I know that teaching is definitely for me but I have been thinking a lot about the type of school I am at and whether it is the right fit for me. As a fist time teacher I would have liked to have mentor who could really show me the working model of the school curriculum. Putting two new teachers in a department means that there is very little guidance which i didn't even know I needed until a couple of weeks back.A year of PGCE is good to have and the teaching practice is a good indicator of what is too come but there is just far more that is expected of a teacher than stated in the job description.

No one teaches you how to handle inter-colleague conflict or the steps to having healthy work relationships. All of these things just get sprung on you.

In my last 80 days i have been through so much and I can see the growth that I have undergone over this time period. Coming fresh out of university into a work environment can age you and I think it is important to note that things cannot stay the same. It is also important to allow yourself time to adjust. The first term is just kind of finding your feet in who you are, you role as teacher and how to balance life.

Honestly I have my keys in my hand and bag on my back crying and ready to leave, but I didn't because I know that I am here for a reason. I may not know the reason yet but it is a part of my journey. Growing is not an easy endeavor but I am willing to take the challenge and allow myself to take everything I can from this experience.

5 weeks to exams.